Okay let me preface this entry a little bit. I am aware that family reads this blog, and it doesn't bother me one bit but it's important for me to say that this blog is in no way shape or form a means of communicating with my family, or anyone I know in real life for that matter. If people know me from real life and use this blog as a means to keep up with me well thats perfeclty okay with me. But when I write, I'm not writting to you. My audience is the knit blogging community, even if it's baby related thats still my audience. Many of whom I consider to be very good friends even though I may never ever even meet them in person. These other knit-bloggers, we are this very cool little community that I adore. You guys are amazingly kind, and I am saving up a fun entry on all the knits and other items I have recieved form this community. It requires Sydney being in a good mood for lots of photo taking! lol

So yeah I was saying, this blog is written to those fellow knit bloggers, we confide in each other in sometimes a very blunt fashion, it's not stuff I would likely walk up to my family members or co-workers and just shout out. Othertimes it's totally knitting related and well why would I bring that up to anyone else but a fellow knitter? So again, read on as you like but realize this isn't written with you in mind, but thats okay. This blog has it's purpose and it at times is a lot like a diary, or can be. I know this is the internet and anyone can read it so I'm mindful not to put down anything I would regret sharing later. It's more like a diary because I also write it for myself to come back and read later.

So onward to "1 Month";

It has been 1 month sense little Miss Sydney was born into the big wide world. I'm so glad I never set any expectations, it certainly helped me be less frustrated or disapointment if baby didn't do X or Y etc. Everyone said the first 2 weeks are the hardest. I have to say that's sort of a load of HOOEY! Week 1 was horrible. Not horrible in as I wish it hadn't happned, just the "hardest". Week 2 was fine. I was left alone with my husband, he worked from home. I was a zombie, fed baby, baby slept, I finally was able to sleep durring the day when she slept. Week 3 was a lot like week 2. Each week was "better" but those two weeks matched each other. Week 4 baby girl changed, grew I suppose. She had some fussy nights, we had to learn what was wrong with her and how to sooth her.

I feel bad for each person who visits us, because each week is so much better I know each visit would be more fun as time passes, but then I suppose all those visits serve their purpose even if I was tired, because everyone has come and helped us so much and everyone in our family has been so amazing. My husbands parents cooked for us, my mom went out and got us supplies when she was here and held the baby so i could sleep those first hard days. My sister just came for a visit and we went to target and I got some clothing so I could feel normal, and plus it was fun to go out with her. She also helped me clean out 2 closets in the very short time she was here, and hang photos. it's weird because I don't really want my own mother to wash my clothing or clean my closet, but for some reason i didn't mind my sister doing it. It certainly makes me want to one day give our girl a sibling because man having a sister or brother is so wonderful. It's a very different relationship. Sometimes we have thought about adopting, I think that would be a nice thing to do. We have no plans, we are just going with the flow but I think a sibling, ONE DAY lol, would be good.

Week 4 was so much better. I actually DID things while home alone. I made phone calls, I vacumed, a microwaved a meal vs just snaking on little things all day. Also this is gross but the bleeding has mostly stoppped now (women can bleed up to 6 weeks post-partum) and that makes a person feel WAY more normal! I'm only 2 weeks away from being able to excersize and pick up things heavier then 10 pounds! I've probably broken that rule when my husband wasn't looking though :)

Lets talk about baby girl, which is what I like to call her in writting for some reason. She's a doll of course, how could I say anything else but? My sister visiting was so wonderful as she has a 3 year old and 1 year old and has lots of recent experience. She held her while she was fussing and knew exectly what was wrong with her. For just a moment sometimes it makes me feel like SUCH a loser, why don't I know whats wrong with her? Why can't I be so intuitive?? Isn't it supposed to be "natural". It takes a village they say and it's kinda sad the way American society is. It's how I am comfortable. I like my house with my husband and we don't have people over very often, we arn't even that social anymore like in college. We are fine this way, but think about what people like us miss out on. All the help, the community. Sadly our nieghbors don't even know our last name and thats how a lot of my friends say theirs are too. People move often, and I think there is a fear factor there too. Heck I'm scared of my neighbor after the incident with him punching his son. And he was the neighbor who actually talked to us! Sad...

So yeah my sister, she declared baby girl a perfect baby and certainly not colicy. She said she has gas, and showed me several ways to make her calm down and fight through the gas pains. I had no idea babies farted so much! I didn't realize how hard gas can be for some of them, heck a lot of them. My sisters visit gave me confidence, confidence I needed. She called me 2 or 3 weeks ago on a bad day, and because of her I didn't give up on breastfeeding, and boy I was ready to stop totally. So she has saved me twice.

Tommorow we take baby girl to the doctor for her 1 month visit, and I hope she's gained the proper amount of weight. I'm really excited for the coming weeks when I can take her to the mall, and I'm confortable traveling with her and driving around and meeting new friends. I have found a few local mommy groups and a "baby wearing" group that I plan to attend. I can't wait to take Sydney to Knitch for the first time (though omg I don't need anymore yarn after cleaning out those closets). She's been wonderfu, this little baby. I think everything you could want or ask for from a newborn, healthy and lovable! I love her expressions, and sounds. I love how happy she is in the morning when she first wakes up. She has a good 10 minutes before she remembers she's hungry, and she's just adorable and I like to sit and look and talk with her.

So before I get to the yarn talk, 1 month... it was hard yes but once it's past and behind you it doesn't seem nearly as hard as it did in the moment. It's all a blur. I spent the time healing, and figuring out breastfeeding, and just trying to catch up on sleep. I'm looking forward to the stitches being gone and being able to TAKE A LONG HOT BATH! Or even better taking a bath WITH baby girl which I think could be fun! So month 1 is past, and I'm very sure I'll miss how small and tiny she was, but the thing is you can't apprechiate how small they are or even how much they sleep in the beggning, because your too busy just surviving. I think it gets a lot easier once you have more then 1, but the first is a pretty life altering experience.

So while cleaning out the closets I found a UFO, and I plan to finish it. I also wanted to set up a knitting project next to the glider in baby girls room so I can knit when she has to be held to sleep when she has the bad gas. So I picked the Tangled Yoke Cardi because I have the yarn and the needles readily availible. It seems like most of it is pretty easy stockinette and ribbed knitting.